As much as I like him getting out,k since it gives me a break and lets him visit with the people that never come to see him, I need to think about what mom would say if she was here and I know that she would not want him to be going anywhere when he’s this exhausted – so, if asked, I am going to say no.

Something that I do not think many realize about being a fulltime caregiver, is that when you are a full-time caregiver it is not an eight hour work day, it is a 24 hour work day.  I get up an average of six times a night to cover my dad back up for one reason or another.   If he has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, then it means I have to get up to help him in there and back to bed.  If he can’t sleep, then I am the one that is woken up to talk to him.  When he wakes in the middle of the night – I have to get up and let him know it is not yet morning, the clock says 12 midnight, not noon…

Sometimes I give up on sleeping completely, getting up at 4 in the morning (or staying up until 5) in hopes of getting a little bit of work writing advertising online.  Sometimes I can not sleep because he has sleep apnea and I will sit and listen for him to start breathing again.  Sometimes the stress is simply too much.  To try to sleep means I let in the stress, so instead I will force myself to stay awake and loose myself in something else to do.

For a while this had been catching up on the older episodes of Heroes online.  Then I was watching the first few seasons of Prison Break, rented from my local Blockbuster.  I joined Netflix so I can watch online movies and am currently making my way through the most recent series of Doctor Who (2005-present), when I watch all of those I plan to star at the first episode of Doctor Who and work my way forward with the entire series all the way back to the 60’s.

Anything to offset the mental exhaustion of getting a long series of brief naps in the place of sleep.